The Trouble With Magic
by ohheyjadzi
Summary: Aailyah manages to become the guardian of a powerful item, meet the objects of her sexual frustration, and find the love of her life all in one day. If this sounds perfect, think again. All is not well in this blissful new life of hers. When the tables turn, will she and her friends ever make it home? DeidaraxOC.
1. Aailyah Acquires Items From A Bathroom

**(A/N) I had published this on here sometime last year, but then I deleted it because it _really_ needed some work. But I'm finally happy with it. **

**This isn't meant to be taken seriously at all, so just enjoy it if at all possible :)  
**

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BEEP! BEEP! BEEEEEEEE-

"SHUT UP!" I screamed sleepily at my alarm clock. I brought my fist down hard on the alarm clock. It stopped making noise when I smashed it, and little pieces of red and black plastic went flying.

"…whoops." I giggled, looking at the destroyed alarm which was now decorating my bedroom floor. "Guess I should get up now."

I got out of bed, pulled some clothes out of the closet (some destroyed neon green skinnies and an Akatsuki t-shit) and dragged myself into the bathroom to shower. I was done in five minutes because I already washed my hair the night before. I always take my showers at night because otherwise I'd have to wash my hair in the morning and that takes too long.

I got dressed and washed my face and brushed my hair. I made a face as I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair is so long. And brown. I need to cut it. It is very brown. I ran the brush through the ends again. Then I put it up in a high ponytail with the bangs in my face, and I looked just like Deidara from Naruto. Then I ran downstairs. I took my backpack off the hook by the door, and ran out of the house.

I don't usually eat breakfast. I actually don't really eat at all during the day. I'm not anorexic or anything, I'm just never hungry. Everyone says that's why I'm so skinny.

"I'm gonna be late!" I screamed.

My neighbor yelled at me to be quiet because his kids were sleeping or something, but I was already too far away to hear him.

I got to my bus stop right as soon as the bus got there. I sighed relieved and got on the bus. I sat down in the back next to my BFF Yuki. Yuki is the kawaii-est (I don't care if that's not a real word) girl I know. She has silky shoulder-length black hair that's always perfectly straight. Her skin is really clear and smooth and she has big, pretty dark eyes that always give away her emotions. She looks just like an anime character if you ask me.

"Hi Yuki-chan!" I said happily. Look, I'm not one of those weirdos who talks in random Japanese, Yuki is from Japan so she feels more comfortable talking in Japanese. Okay? Good.

"Konichiwa, Aailyah-chan!" she greeted me. "I brought you some more pocky since you like it so much." She pulled the box of delicious sugary heaven out of her backpack.

"POCKY!" I squealed, taking it from her and ripping it open. "Arigoto gozaimasu!" (That means thank you very much by the way.)

Yuki giggled at my excitement. "Dou itashimashite, Aailyah-chan. By the way, did you study for the math test today?"

I froze in mid-chew. Did she say…_test_?

_OH NO_.

"Oh no…" I sighed, dropping my head. "I forgot all about it. And geometry is my worst subject, too…" Then I brightened up again. "Oh well, I guess I'll just skip then!"

I knew my math teacher wouldn't care. He never got me in trouble, even that one time when I put a frog in his coffee.

"Haha, just be sure you don't get caught! Your parents will be very angry, won't they?" she asked anxiously.

I shrugged. "Oh, they won't catch me. They haven't yet…and as for my parents, I really don't give a fuck if they're pissed or not." My parents are always mad at me for something or another; it doesn't really make a difference what for anymore…

"Would you two like to get off the bus, or were you planning to sit here all day?" the bus driver yelled angrily at us.

I looked out the window. The crowds of teenagers told me we were at school.

"Kuso!" I swore under my breath.

Yuki snorted.

We got up and exited the bus.

"Sorry..." I apologized sheepishly as we passed. The bus driver just grunted. When I went passed, I could feel his creepy stare on me and Yuki. Yuki could feel it too because she crossed her arms over her chest uncomfortably.

"Pervert!" I yelled at him when we were off the bus. He shut the door and drove away, leaving us in a cloud of smoke.

"He was totally looking at your boobs, Aailyah." Yuki was so mad she didn't even use her normal affectionate suffix.

I frowned. Not that I was complaining, but sometimes it really sucked to have a naturally large chest area. "Kami, why did you create me so well-endowed?" I shouted mournfully to the sky. A couple of the annoying popular girls glared at me, so I gave them the finger. In my mind, at least.

Yuki patted my back kindly. "It's okay, Aailyah. Just get another sweatshirt out of your locker to cover up."

I pouted. "I wish I didn't have to. I want to show off my new Akatsuki shirt today." It's so cool; it has all of the Akatsuki standing on it.

She nodded understandingly. "It's either that, or having all the creeps in the school staring at your boobs."

"Oh, I guess you're right…" I agreed grudgingly.

She smiled and we hooked arms and skipped into the school. We went right to my locker which is in the back of the building by the science wing. Our other friends were waiting for us.

There was Sara-chan, a tall girl with long, wavy blonde hair and startling blue eyes. Next to her, arms crossed in a huff, was Lexy-kun, a short, pixie-ish girl with short hair dyed blood red. Finally there was Astra-sama (that's just what we call her; she won't tell us her real name.) She has long, dark brown hair that reached her butt and piercing green eyes.

"Hey guys!" I called, glomping all of them excitedly. Sara jumped up and down hugging me and squealing, but none of the others were so responsive. Lexy shoved me off of her with a "hmph, freak," and Astra just stood there like a rock until I released her.

Yuki shook her head at my behavior. I glomped her too. She glomped me back, until a teacher came over and yelled at us for PDA.

"No touching at school!" Mr. Guffin yelled at us.

We pouted.

"Baka!" I muttered.

We all giggled. (Except for Astra, who just stood there, and Lexy, who was saying meaner things.)

Then the bell for first hour rang.

"Aw. I don't wanna go to class…" Sara complained.

Astra shook her head. "Come on."

"Nooooo!" Sara screeched. "I don't wanna! I'm scared of Ms. McLaughlin! And I didn't do my homework! My foot hurts! I have a bad knee! I need an aspirin! I should visit the nurse! I—umph!" Astra clamped a hand over the blonde girl's mouth, and proceeded to drag her away.

"Such an idiot," Lexy scoffed, rolling her eyes. Me and Yuki just stared after Astra and the still-struggling Sara, who was becoming quite an obstacle to the rest of the students. "Although…I don't really feel like going to class myself."

"So, skip," I suggested. "That's what I'm doing." Maybe we could rescue Astra and Sara, and we could all go somewhere fun! Like the new comic book store downtown! Yes!

"I wish…but if I miss any more school I'll be held back again," she frowned. "I refuse to be in the tenth grade _again_, with all the retarded freshmen."

"Oh, I see," Yuki said understandingly.

"Aw…that sucks," I agreed. "Well; I'll see you tomorrow then. I'm leaving before first hour; I can't take that math test." I shook off the thought of the test.

Lexy stared at me like I was dumb. "Why did you even bother coming?"

"I dunno." I chuckled, rubbing the back of my head.

Yuki snorted. "Well, you better get going then, or you're definitely going to get caught."

I stared at her. "You mean you're not coming with me?"

She shook her head sadly. "Sorry, but I actually have to take that test. My parents won't allow me to miss it."

Oh. Asian parents really _were_ strict. Yuki's parents don't even let her watch T.V. on school nights.

"Okay…I guess I'll see you after school. You're still coming over, right?"

She nodded. "Unless I fail, anyway."

"You won't fail. You're too smart," I assured her. She has a 99 GPA and got a 2100 on her SATs, when most people in our grade hadn't even bothered taking the test yet. I was having none of her "what if I fail?" bullshit. That girl would make this standardized test her bitch, as usual.

She blushed. "Arigato…"

I glomped her again. She was too cute!

Lexy made an irritated sound. "As much as I'd love to stick around and watch the love-fest, I have some work to slack off on. I'm out." She turned on her heel and skulked down the hall.

"Bye, Lexy-kun!" I chirped.

"Later, losers." She flipped us the bird as she walked away.

"She is so callous," Yuki said affectionately. I nodded my agreement.

"Well, I'll see you later Aailyah-chan." Yuki hugged me, and headed towards her class room.

"Bye, Yuki-chan!" I grinned and waved at her.

_Man, I need to pee, _I thought suddenly. I figured it'd be best to go here instead of trying to make it home first. I went into the nearest girl's room, and peed. When I was washing my hands, I noticed something strange.

There was something stuck on top of the mirror.

_ Huh, I wonder what that is…_

I reached up to get it, but I was too short. I cursed my genes, and climbed up onto the sink to grab the object.

_Woah! What is this? _I wondered as I looked at it. It was some sort of necklace. It had a long, delicate silver chain with a pendant hanging from it. The pendant was a blue sphere with flecks of silver in it. The sphere was being held by a dragon in its mouth.

_This is really cool looking! I wonder why someone just left it here._

I shrugged, and put it on. Suddenly, a bright blue light exploded from the necklace. I felt a tugging coming from it, and it felt like it was sticking to my chest. Freaking out, I tried to yank it off, only to find that it was somehow attached to me. The light meanwhile was centering together in front of me and now resembled a person.

Then the figure spoke. "Aailyah Patterson. You are the guardian of the Stone of Souls. This is-"

"No! I don't wanna be! Please, take it back!" I cried in horror.

If a blob of blue light could look puzzled, this one certainly did. "But…you already are the Guardian…you were just separated from the Stone many years ago. Now that you've been reunited, your powers can be restored."

I stared at him open-mouthed. _What_? "What powers?"

"Guardian Powers," he answered simply. "Anyway, since you've probably forgotten, I'll explain the Stone to you. The Stone holds your soul. If it breaks and becomes exposed to the forces of this world, your powers will multiply and you'll most likely destroy the universe." There was a pause, and then, "You're far too weak to be a Guardian," he scoffed.

"If I'm so weak, then why do I have this thing in the first place?"

"I don't know, and it's not my problem."

_Rude much?_

"O-okay…"

"I'm sending you to another dimension, because it'll be easier for you to get a grip on your powers there. And less likely that you'll destroy _this_ universe, because I like it. Any questions?"

"Uh, YES,-"

He cleared his throat. "That's a shame."

He chanted something foreign, and I felt my whole body being sucked through the portal he'd opened. I screamed, but then the pressure was so much that I couldn't even breathe. Then, everything was black.

The last thought that went through my mind was, "_When the hell did my life become an anime?"_

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**(A/N) This isn't the type of thing I normally write, but I still really really loved writing it idk. **

**Thanks for reading :)**


	2. Stockholm Syndrome

**(A/N) I'm almost embarrassed that this came from my brain. Almost.  
**

**This is such a short chapter omg  
**

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I woke up in an uncomfortable position. I was all tied up to a chair.

"I think she's awake, un," came a strange but familiar voice.

My eyes flew open. "Dei-chan?!" I demanded excitedly. I looked around the room. All of the Akatsuki was standing there staring at me in a confused and disturbed way.

"Uh…you mean…me?" asked the blonde one (whose hair matched mine like it was fate), looking confused.

I nodded, shaking the whole chair. "YES."

I then proceeded to have a fangirl moment.

The Akatsuki covered their ears to hide my squeals. Hidan swore many times, until Kakazu ripped his head off and threw it in some random direction.

I can't help it. I get excited.

Then Pein hit me in the face. "Silence girl."

I silenced myself.

"Good," he said. "Now tell us what we need to know. Who are you and who sent you?"

I knew I couldn't tell them that I already knew who they were because they'd kill me then. So instead I quickly made an idea… "I don't know. I have amnesia because I was in a terrible battle."

"Oh. I see." Pein nodded his head.

_Wow, it actually worked! I could probably be a real ninja at this rate! Awesome! _

I grinned widely so they could see my teeth. I think I saw on Animal Planet one time that this is a sign of trust between animals in the animal kingdom. Hopefully they wouldn't realize I was lying.

"Are you sure we should trust her?" Konan wondered aloud. _Suspicious bitch!_

"Don't question me," Pein said curtly. She looked mad then because probably she thought he would back her up. I knew she had a crush on him. Then he said to me, "You will stay with us until your memory comes back. Then we will know who you really are."

"Awesome!" I agreed.

He looked surprised but said nothing. Then he said, "Deidara, show her to her room."

And then he left. Konan followed him like the sad puppy she is.

"Well, are you guys gonna untie me or not?" I demanded.

"FUCK YOU!" Hidan's head yelled.

"DON'T TEMPT ME WITH A GOOD TIME!" I yelled back.

It got quiet. Everyone stared at me.

Sasori rolled his eyes.

Kisame made a face, and dragged Itachi off to some other place.

Kakazu glared at me, and took Hidan's head and body away, to "fix it." With his boy parts...

"Whatever," Deidara said, and untied me. "Let's go."

I glomped him, to which he looked scared. I laughed. "You're cute!"

"Danna…?" He looked to Sasori for help.

"You should just be thankful any girl pays attention to you."

"Hey!" he protested.

"Awh!" I cheered. He was cute!

We went down the hallway, and Deidara gave me some instructions.

"That's Hidan's room: stay out of there unless you wanna be sacrificed. That's Kakazu's room; stay out unless you want to be pimped. That's Itachi's room; stay out unless you want to be stared at."

He shuddered, and went on. "And that's Kisame's room, stay out unless you want to be…eaten. That's Sasori's room. He'll turn you into a puppet."

Sasori slapped him upside the head, but otherwise ignored the comment.

"This is my room; I'll turn you into art," he said sexually. I blushed and looked away as he continued.

"That's Konan's room; she'll bitch at you about proper cuticle care. That's Leader's room, he'll just kill you. And this is your room."

I went inside. It was a cute little room with its own furniture and bathroom and even a window. I ran and leaped onto the bed.

"I LOVE IT!" I squealed excitedly, jumping up and down happily. Deidara joined me on the bed (EWW that sounds dirty, but get over it) and we jumped up and down together. I almost fell off one time, but then he caught me in his arms.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine…thanks, Dei-kun…"

We stared into each other's eyes for a long time, until Sasori yelled "GET A ROOM!" at us.

I forgot he was even inside here. What was he, a peeping pervert or something?

"NEWSFLASH: WE ALREADY DID!" I yelled back.

Sasori gagged and left the room. Deidara facepalmed.

"Well, now that we're alone, there's something I've been meaning to do…" Deidara said seductively.

My face got hot as he got closer and closer and then…

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**(A/N) Dumb cliffhanger and I'm not even sorry.  
**

**Well there's this huge spider sitting on my wall & it's just staring me down. So if I never update again, you'll know what happened.  
**

**Thanks for reading! :)  
**


	3. Special and Noteworthy Events

**(A/N) Why is it 70 degrees outside right now? It's October? I want to wear cute sweaters and scarves? Ummmm?  
**

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He put his mouth on me and we kissed. It was short, but then I kissed him again with tongue this time. I've never really kissed a boy before, well not on the mouth anyway, so I was kind of not sure what to do. But basically I put my tongue all the way in his mouth and wiggled it around, just like the movies. And I got lightheaded and dizzy eventually, so I stopped. He smiled adorably at me, and I blushed. I was totally calm and cool on the outside, but on the inside I was freaking out.

_OMFG HE FUCKING KISSED ME! THE MAN OF MY DREAMS! I'M THE LUCKIEST GIRL EVER! _

I felt some drool escape my mouth, which was embarrassing and gross until he licked it up sexily. (Yeah I know that sounds nasty but it wasn't. You had to be there I guess.) I was really into him right then, and I was thinking dirty thoughts and I could tell he was to by the look in his eye (I could only see one, ya know) but THEN there was a loud knock on the bedroom door.

"Deidara!" Pein yelled at him. "Stop fraternizing with Aailyah and go on a mission now!"

Deidara sighed, and gave Pein a nasty look (but Pein was already halfway out the door so he didn't notice.)

"Goodbye for now, Aailyah. I'll hurry back to you." He kissed me sweetly again, and then left the room.

I sighed and sat down on my new bed sadly. I'd just gotten the perfect man, and now he was gone. To make matters worse, as far as I knew there was no such thing as doublemint gum in this world and Deidara now had my last piece! Great.

_Damn, how will I entertain myself now?_

Then I remembered: I was in the Akatsuki base with all the members! That was all the entertainment I'd ever need!

I went out of my room to go find them. I crept down the hall and flung open the first door I saw.

Inside was…nothing. I remembered that it was Pein's room though. There was nothing interesting in there except for Konan creeping around in his underwear drawer but she doesn't count because she's sort of a weirdo ya know?

Anyway I went to another room and I could tell by the flat screen TV that it was the living room.

Everyone was inside the room, except for my passionate lover and his Danna, of course.

Plus Konan was still in Pein's room worshiping his bed sheets or something.

And Pein was being leaderly somewhere.

But everyone else was inside there.

Hidan and Kakazu were glaring at each other on the couch and they both looked really pissed off and angry as usual. Kisame and Itachi were looking at the TV and Discovery Channel was on.

I got excited because that reminded me of a really awesome song I know. So I ran and jumped up on the couch and started singing. It sounded really good. For some reason my voice sounded way better than it had in my old world. I was happy.

"You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on Discovery channel!" I sang, swinging my hips around like I was Beyoncé. If you've never done this, I would highly recommend you try it out. It is very empowering.

Everyone turned to look at me in horror but Hidan licked his lips like he was cleaning lollipop juice off of them. It was weird.

"Ew, not like that you pervert!" I screamed, jumping off the couch.

"You're such a womanizer," Kisame scolded. "Besides, Deidara would kick your ass if you ever touched Aailyah, even someone as stupid as you should realize that."

"He would?" I asked wonderingly, as my eyes grew big and sparkly. How sweet of him! How cute is he?

"FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKING COCKBITING CUNTPEELING BOOGER!" Hidan hollered obnoxiously.

"Shut up, Hidan," we all said at the same time.

Kakazu knocked him out before he could keep threatening us.

"So it's true then?" Kakazu asked.

I looked at him, confused. "Huh? What's true?"

He looked at me like I was stupid. _Rude_. "You and Deidara…you know…"

"Oh, _that_…yeah, we pretty much did. It was pretty cool, at least I thought it was." I nodded happily. Of course I knew Deidara thought it was cool too, but I didn't want to sound conceited or anything.

"But…of all the people in the world, why _him_?" Kisame asked intensely.

I grinned happily. "Because, he's so hot, uh-huh! Yep! And his hair is a-fucking-dorable! And that weird way he talks; so cute! And how he blows things up, it's so sexy, don't ya think? He's just so awesome!" I could've gone on, but I don't think they were really that interested in hearing more about Deidara's many amazing features. They just thought I was a silly, lovestruck teenager.

_Ha, I'll show them!_

"Eh, he's nothing special," Kakazu commented. "You could do a lot better."

I gave him an offended look. "What are you trying to say? Me and Deidara aren't a cute couple?"

He shrugged. "I'm just saying, you don't have to settle for less, when you could have _more_…" He gave me a suggestive look.

"Gross! What the fuck? You're a fucking pervert!" I screamed, automatically shielding my face from his dirty eyeballs.

_I never got the pervy vibes from him when I watched the show! Who would've thought? Yikes._

I got off of the couch and ran to Itachi and Kisame, who were just standing in the back of the room like a perfect pair of creeps. "Shark and ferret, protect me!" I hid behind Itachi at first, but he wasn't actually much bigger than me (plus I don't think he was crazy about helping me either) so I hid behind Kisame. He had a big sword too and that blocked me from Kakazu's rapist eyes.

"God, Kakazu. Way to take advantage of an innocent young girl," Kisame scolded. Kakazu glared at him.

"Yeah right, she's not innocent. Just look at her!" He pointed at my boobs.

I covered them up with my hands, cursing Kami for the second time in one day. "You fucking pervert! I'm gonna let Deidara kill you when he comes back!"

"Haha, that little pussy can't kill me," Kakazu said.

"You've been spending too much time with Hidan," Kisame snapped. "Go away before I sic Samehada on you and she eats you."

Kakazu paled, and quickly dragged Hidan away behind him.

"Arigato, Kisame-sama!" I squealed, glomping him.

After I was done glomping my new best friend, I turned to Itachi.

"Why don't you talk?" I asked him with my arms crossed. "Don't you like me?" I pouted.

He just looked at me like, "Why are you talking to me?" and it was really kind of scary so I looked away.

"Well fine, go be emo somewhere else. By the way Sasuke's hotter," I snapped.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "_Real mature, Aailyah_." Oh well, I just don't think sometimes. What do you want from me? Anyway, he was being rude. You should have seen how he was looking at me all mean.

He glared at me and then left the room.

"Ouch," Kisame said. "He doesn't like talking about his brother for some reason. I don't think they get along very well."

"Whatever I was only kidding; Sasuke is a loser. Itachi is way cooler…but don't tell Deidara I said that, he'd get jealous. It's our little secret." I winked.

"He probably heard that, you know."

"Cough, Itachi's a female, cough," I said loudly.

"That's more like it," said Kisame nodding. "But you'll probably still wake up dead tomorrow morning."

"It's so worth it," I laughed. "And Deidara will save me anyway."

I spent the rest of the night watching people getting eaten on Shark Week with Kisame and Samehada.

It was fun, but I really couldn't wait much longer for my soul mate to come home to me.

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**(A/N) I'm seeing Paranormal Activity 4 tonight! I feel like these movies are so stupidly bad that you _have_ to love them. Or maybe that's just me idk. **

**Thanks for reading, and have a lovely day :)  
**


	4. Write Your Own Darn Title

**(A/N) I could blame any number of things for my lack of updates, but the fact is I'm just lazy.  
**

**Whoops.  
**

**Enjoy this chapter, it's actually reasonably long :)  
**

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It was dark outside and the stars were shimmering over the base. I felt like I hadn't eaten in a really long time, which reminded me _hadn't_ eaten in a really long time. I walked down the hallway into the kitchen and Kisame came with me.

"Can you..._cook_?" he asked, amazed.

I nodded, grinning. "Yup! I learned to cook when I was young, since my parents work and there isn't always someone there to do everything for me."

"Oh. That's terrible!"

"Nah. It's no big deal; I try not to let it get to me..." I hoped I wasn't going to cry. That would be useless. It's just...I was cheated of my childhood. It hurts.

Just kidding, I got to eat Lunchables and watch TV all night! No parental supervision, what more could a little girl ever want? Are you drawing blanks? You should be! That's because doing whatever you want is _awesome_.

"But enough of that, let's get cooking!" I said cheerfully.

I dragged Kisame around and taught him how to make steak. It smelled delicious. It really didn't take as long as you might expect; I learned a lot of short cuts over the years.

Soon the smell of the food brought all the Akatsuki into the kitchen.

"What the fuck is that fucking shittyass fucking smell, you cunt?" Hidan yelled rudely.

"Be nice!" I snapped, hitting him over the head with the platter meant to hold the steak.

"Nice one." Kakazu nodded approvingly.

"It's steak." I smiled.

"SCORE. She can cook!"

I blushed modestly. Who would have guessed the Akatsuki would be so gracious and enthusiastic?

Oh, that's right. I did.

I served everyone food and then myself last, because that's the polite way to serve a meal according to my Aunt Beth.

Everyone was chewing quietly but I had a feeling they liked it. Or maybe it had just been a while since they'd had an actual home-cooked meal.

I don't really get the motherly vibe from Konan, if you know what I mean.

Then Itachi set his on fire with his eyeballs.

"EXACTLY WHAT THE FLIP ARE YOU DOING?" I screeched at him as everyone stared.

"It was not cooked thoroughly," he explained. He didn't even make eye contact with me when he spoke, how rude can you get? And after I cooked for him, too! Ungrateful little ass.

I frowned and crossed my arms while Kisame gasped.

"You know, I didn't have to cook that for you. Aren't you grateful?" I accused, giving him the dirtiest look I could manage. It didn't have much effect, since he couldn't even be bothered to look at me. The nerve of this one! I mean honestly, what would Mikoto think?

He gave me a rapist-looking look, like he wanted to cut me up, and went back to eating.

"I have to agree with Itachi, this meat is way too rare," Konan whined, stabbing it cautiously with her chopsticks.

"Nonsense. Itachi, I will not have you insulting our guest after she was kind enough to prepare a meal for us. Apologize at once." Pein said, coming to my rescue.

"Yeah Itachi, you were out of line," Konan snapped bitchily like a bitch. What a suck-up!

Itachi looked about as startled as he ever does, meaning he resembled a wooden plank. "I apologize if I offended you," he said to me.

I nodded. "That's okay. I know you're probably really stressed these days, what with Sasuke and all that."

I bit my lip when I realized I might have said too much, but no one else seemed to notice. Not even Itachi.

But then he looked at me intensely and I was very afraid when I saw...the Sharingan!

Suddenly, I was in a strange dark space.

"You will do well not speak on matters in which you have no place," a spooky voice that was Itachi's said. "I do not know what your sources are, nor do I care. It makes little difference what you 'know'; you will not interfere."

I felt like I was going to start crying a little because he was being so mean! I mean I was just being polite and sympathetic and he threw me into this place and threatened me! He was every bit as mean as I thought he would be.

"Deidara will hear about this!" I yelled bravely at him. I wasn't going to let him use fear to take advantage of me.

It was quiet and then I was back at the kitchen table eating. Itachi pretended like nothing just happened.

I shuddered. What a creep!

"I'll do dishes!" I volunteered.

I ended up regretting that immediately, because the Akatsuki left a huge mess behind in the kitchen. Deidara helped me by rinsing and drying though, because he is a darling dear. Then I went to sleep since I was exhausted.

I fell asleep hoping Itachi wasn't going to murder me in the night.

Good news: he didn't.

* * *

When I woke up the next day Deidara was sleeping next to me.

I squealed joyfully and glomped him.

He woke up sleepily. "Hey babe," he said, romantically kissing me.

We made out for a really long time until my stomach started growling.

"Wow, you should eat something love," he said anxiously.

"I'm not hungry. I don't eat much." I sighed and kissed him more.

"Why? Are you anorexic?" he asked.

"Heck no! I just have a high metabolism and all that."

"Oh." He kissed me some more.

"I'm kinda hungry though," he said a little while later. "I want some food...but I don't want to leave you again."

"Aw!" I kissed him again. "Don't worry babe I'll come with you."

"I'll never leave you," he whispered.

I blushed. Awh! It was just too cute! I was so happy.

"Let's go eat," I declared. So we went to the kitchen.

"I'll make you breakfast, honey," he said.

"Aw sweetie, I really am not hungry. But I'll eat it if you make it," I cooed while kissing him.

Konan made throwing up noises and Deidara gave her a bad look. She scowled and left to go creep on Pein. The other people in the kitchen were Kisame and Sasori and Hidan and Kakazu and Itachi (which was almost enough to ruin my mood but I decided to stay strong and not let him bring me down!)

"Yeah you need some nourishment," he said lovingly.

I sighed. How romantic. He was going to cook…

"Thanks," I thanked him.

I sat down at the table and stared at him cooking. His moves were so graceful and flawless I couldn't look away. That man was born to be in the kitchen, I tell you.

Itachi left when I sat down and Kisame followed him like a lost puppy.

Hidan went to do a ritual after cussing at me and everyone else and making sexual moves on anything that breathed.

Kakazu followed him. For _some_ reason.

Sasori stared at me. We were the only ones left at the table, so it was totally awkward.

"Can I help you?" I asked, irritated.

"I want to make something clear. I don't care if you and the brat are doing _it;_ just make sure you use protection because I will _not_ be changing diapers under any circumstances."

My face got red as a tomato then and I was so mortified. And then Deidara turned around and made a sexual face and said, "Okay we will."

"We will _what_?!"

I was so embarrassed. I wanted to disappear. Why were they talking about sex in front of me?! That's so humiliating!

_I wish my friends were here, they would know what to do…_

Suddenly my necklace tingled and shined blue and before I could even make a comment on how weird it all was, Yuki, Astra, Lexy, and Sarah were falling from the ceiling.

"Oh my god, what—"

"The _fuck_?" Lexy finished.

"Did I just fall from the ceiling…?" Yuki wondered cutely.

"Aailyah!" Sarah noticed me joyfully and glomped me.

Then my friends noticed the startled Akatsuki members staring at them.

"OH MY GOD YOU'RE SASORI AND DEIDARA! NO WAY! THIS IS AMAZING!"

And they were all glomped a lot. I smiled at their (mostly Sarah's) antics.

"Knock it off," Astra muttered, prying Sarah away from Sasori who looked disturbed.

"But I love Sasori-kun…" the girl whined.

Astra ignored her, and dragged her off into a deserted corner to have a Little Talk with her.

I did not envy her.

Astra is scary when she means business.

"So, you mind telling us what's going on here?" Lexy glared at me.

I looked up from Yuki who I'd been talking to and hugging and all that.

"Well…you're in the Akatsuki base with all of the Akatsuki, plus me. That's pretty much it…" I remembered the necklace. "Oh, and I'm guarding this necklace. That's what brought me and you all here. It's some kind of magic."

Yuki looked overwhelmed, and Lexy looked annoyed. "Well, that just _bites_. I was in the middle of something! Now how am I supposed to get back? Ugh." She kicked the wall hard in her frustration, leaving a hole.

_Woah! I didn't know she could do that…Lexy just got a little more scary in my book. Second only to Astra. _

"Wow." Sasori and Deidara looked impressed and a little scared.

"WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK WAS THAT NOISE?!" Hidan ran shouting into the room. He saw Lexy, and the hole she made.

"YOU! BITCH! DID YOU JUS—AGHH!" She ran up to him, and punched him straight in the face, as a wordless Fuck You or _possibly_ a courteous greeting (you can never be sure).

I gasped. She was going to die. Slowly. I couldn't watch this; I covered my eyes.

Instead, Hidan smiled creepily. "Violent. I like that in a woman."

I suppose I should have seen that coming.

She kicked him in the nuts. "Shut the hell up you bastard, and don't ever speak that way to me again. Or I'll fucking make you sorry you're immortal."

He looked shocked and (even worse) turned on. "Is that a promise?"

She growled and he chuckled.

"I'll be back for you later." And he disappeared.

"He's just as disgusting as I thought he'd be," she spat, looking like she might want to kick the wall again.

"No, actually he's worse," I corrected her.

"…" She glowered at me. I backed up, thinking she might possibly want to kick _me_ now.

"What in Poseidon's name is going on in here?" Kisame came in with Itachi. "And who are they?" He pointed to my friends.

"These are my best friends. Sarah, Yuki, Lexy, and Astra. They just randomly came here. Please-please-please let them stay?" I gave him the puppy dog eyes which no sane man can resist.

At least, I hoped they worked that way.

"Sure," he agreed happily.

I knew it would work!

"I doubt Leader will agree to this," Itachi commented, ruining the happy mood.

Astra frowned, coming back from the corner with a worried-looking Sara.

"But, why?" Sarah wondered.

"Because we don't belong here…none of us do." Astra looked at me meaningfully.

"Well we're here now, may as well make the best of it!" I cheered. "And besides it's working out great for me—like it was _fate_." I glomped Deidara and kissed him to show my point.

"Hey!" I got an idea. "I have a great idea." I cackled evilly and whispered to my friends.

"You're a complete fucking idiot," Lexy sighed.

Astra looked irritated at my idea.

Sara looked excited.

Yuki looked unsure.

"Oh, come on guys! It'll be fun!" I cheered.

"No," Astra said coolly.

"Why not? We should stay here! It's not like we can get back anyway. And I think you'd make a great ninja," I reasoned. She stared at me coldly.

"Because we're going home. Sarah and I, that is. Anyone else is welcome to come along, but I really don't care what you do."

I'd never seen her so pissed off, except for when that one boy cheated on Sarah and broke her heart. Come to think of it, I haven't seen him since…eek.

Another reason why I don't mess with Astra.

"But Astra, I don't wanna go…" Sarah protested, pulling on Astra's shirt sleeve like a whiny child.

Astra glared at her. "This is why you are not the one calling the shots. We aren't staying here. It is dangerous for you and me both."

"But Astra!"

"No," she said firmly.

"Just how do you expect to go back?" Itachi asked her.

"I'll find a way," she replied giving him another one of those Looks.

Ha! Take that, jerk! Even the Sharingan is no match for Astra's bitchface.

"How can you be so certain?"

"There's always a way," she shrugged. "And anyway, if the necklace brought us here then it can send us back."

"I'm not letting you use it! I don't want you to leave!" I cried, feeling upset. Deidara hugged me compassionately. "If you want the necklace, you'll have to go through me first!"

I regretted my words as she gave me one of the most dangerous looks I'd ever seen. She would do it, I knew she would. And she could. I shuddered.

"How did you bring us here, exactly?" she demanded softly.

"I-I made a wish…"

"Wish Sarah and I back."

I didn't know what to do. Sarah looked like she might cry, Yuki was upset too, and Lexy looked like she might kill someone.

"Why are you being like this? I don't get it; we always got along so well, and now-"

"That was before you recklessly endangered all of our lives. I will not stand for that." Her eyes were like fire. They were scary like Itachi's actually, minus the Sharingan.

I felt the tears welling up. I just thought it would be more fun to share all this with my friends, why did it have to end this way?

"I wish everyone would go back home," I said solemnly.

Seconds passed, and nothing happened.

"Well…shit."

* * *

**(A/N) On a more serious note, I hope everyone out there stayed safe during the hurricane. Yeah, I know this is sort of old news but maybe I _enjoy_ being late to the party.  
**

**Thanks for reading, and have a lovely day/night?um? :)  
**


	5. Plot

**(A/N) I wonder what it's like to have regular updates...  
**

* * *

**ASTRA'S POV**

Aailyah blinked back tears as she finally spoke. "I wish everyone would go back home," she stated half-heartedly.

I gripped Sarah's hand a little tighter, preparing to be thrown through the portal again.

There was a thick silence as we waited. But nothing happened.

I narrowed my eyes at Aailyah, who blinked at me in confusion (and what was up with her eyes? Scratch that, what was going on with her body in general? Her hair wasn't that long or that..._colorful_ the last time I saw her. And why was I just now noticing all this…?), as if she had no idea why we were still here.

"What happened?" I demanded, thoroughly miffed at this point and ready to knock some heads together if it would get my point across.

"I-I don't know!" she frowned, obviously wracking her brain for some sort of answer.

"Don't you play games with me, Aailyah," I hissed through my teeth. For all the time I've known her, she's always had a tendency to put herself before others. I knew she wanted us here. She didn't intend to let us leave. It was _her_ necklace; she knew more about it than we did. She had an advantage and she knew it. How could I trust her?

"N-no!" she protested, looking visibly frightened. _Good_. "I swear! It always works when I make wishes on it! I don't know what the problem is!"

I gritted my teeth in annoyance. As much as I hated to admit it, she didn't _sound_ like she was lying. Aailyah _is_ a pretty bad liar. So did that mean we were really were stuck here…with _them?_ I swallowed back my growing anxiety as I looked cautiously at each of the strange men in the room.

Oh, _hell_ no.

"Fine. We'll find another way. But in the meantime, we sure aren't staying here," I decided, making sure my voice was calm and even. Didn't need anyone thinking I was _scared_. Now was not the time to play the damsel in distress.

"But…" Aailyah looked heartbroken, and I felt the tiniest pang of guilt. "Why can't you stay here with us? It would be fun…" She sniffed, and buried her face in the blonde man behind her. What was his name again? Not that it really mattered. I didn't have to know their names to know who they were. I recognized them from the cartoon Sarah watched, Naruto. They were the antagonists, a group of the most criminally insane in this universe. I had no idea why Aailyah thought spending any amount of time with them was "_fun_", or what tragic oversight allowed us to appear in this universe, but what I _did_ know was that I wasn't putting Sarah or myself in this kind of danger. There was just _no_ way.

"Surely you're not foolish enough to think you can simply walk out of our base?" The dark haired man asked. His tone was so bland that I couldn't tell if he was trying to insult my intelligence or simply asking a question.

Mocking or not, I narrowed my eyes at him. "Are you going to stop us? We're no threat to you."

He just stared, which was honestly creepier than any other reaction he could have given. I wondered what his problem was. I also wished that I'd paid more attention to the show, so that I'd have an idea of what kind of people they were.

Aside from _evil_. And _demented_. And _homicidal_. You know, stuff that would actually _help_ me, instead of making me want to puke and jump from the nearest window.

I tried to relax, since vomiting on the man I was trying to negotiate with probably wouldn't do much for my cause. "And anyway, weren't you the one who wanted us all out in the first place? Why the sudden change of heart?" I narrowed my eyes, thinking. Really, wasn't that suspicious to anyone else? Maybe this whole thing was just _too_ weird.

"Our location is secret; we can't have you wandering off and telling our enemies where to find us," the huge, strangely blue man stated, as if I was stupid.

"What makes you think we'd bother to find your enemies? There would be no point. It would do nothing for us," I reasoned. Honestly, were they really arrogant enough to think we _cared_ about their stupid hiding place?

"Perhaps, but nevertheless we cannot let you leave. Even if you don't submit your information willingly, there are other ways of extracting knowledge," the dark haired man spoke up again. There was a slightly threatening undercurrent to his voice, which I did not enjoy at all.

They were really going to give me a hard time about this, weren't they?

"So we can't leave," I stated flatly.

"Nope," the blonde one said, in a voice that was far too cheerful for the given situation. Aailyah brightened up as well.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it!" Aailyah started to get excited again. "It's actually a lot of fun here, and they aren't as mean as you would think except _sometimes_ they're scary—" here she shot a pointed look at the dark haired man, who ignored her, "—but mostly not they're ju—" She stopped when she caught sight of my scowl.

Her face dropped, but lifted again instantaneously. "Hey! I know something that will make you feel better! Come look in a mirror! All of you!" She darted out of the room.

Somehow, I had the nasty feeling that this surprise would do absolutely nothing to help my mood.

But we followed her, since we obviously had nothing better to do unless we wanted to stand around with a bunch of sketchballs who weren't even _real _ten minutes ago.

"I don't fucking believe this…" Lexy grumbled, scuffing her feet. I did a double take, as I noticed her hair was suddenly about shoulder length, and in a ponytail.

..._What?_

I took a good look at Sarah, who stared back in confusion. Sure enough, her eyes were now a soft pink color and her hair, up in a perky bun, was striking silver. I shook my head in disbelief.

_I had better not sprout anything stupid. _

"Astra, you look different…" Sarah said, perplexed.

_Damn it_.

"Different _how_?" I asked, already 100% that I would not like the answer.

"Your hair…it's like, _white_. And your eyes are weird too. They look lighter than they usually do." She reached a hand to the top of her head and pulled her hair tie out. Her eyes widened as she fingered the silver strands. "Wow…what's going on?"

_Fantastic. _I glowered inwardly. _Just_ _what I need; a new freakish hairstyle_. I ran my hand through my hair, feeling it go on farther than I was used to. _Great, what a pain it's going to be to brush. I'm going to cut it off the first chance I get, _I decided absentmindedly.

I watched Sarah for a few seconds longer. She was worried enough to be chewing on the inside of her cheek, but the glint in her eyes was all excitement... Fantastic. She, like Aailyah, probably thought these monsters were all fun and games; maybe even _tameable_. I would have to have a serious talk with both of them. And that was only if I could get Aailyah to shut up and stop singing their songs of praises long enough to hit her with some logic, which is about as easy as teaching a tone deaf frog to yodel when all it wants to do is eat Vegemite and grilled cheese.

... And so begins the stream of awful metaphors my mind is haunted with during periods of high stress.

I was beginning to like this situation less and less.

As for the others, Yuki was a very scientific sort of person and I knew she would have no problems realizing the dangers. Since she was Aailyah's best friend, she would play a key role in getting her to see the light, so to speak. I knew Lexy felt the same way I did, though perhaps she was better at hiding her feelings. I could always count on her for help though, thankfully.

I glanced over shiftily at Yuki. Her hair was about mid-back and light purple. I didn't bother checking her eyes; I already had my conformation. We all looked like thirteen year old girls struggling to break through societal norms in order to spite our parents and find our inner selves. In other other words, we looked a mess.

Spectacular.

"Look at yourselves, guys!" Aailyah cheered excitedly as we all shuffled into a surprisingly well-furnished bathroom. For a bunch of lawless hoolagins, they sure had impressive taste in decorative lighting. Very aesthetically pleasing.

The four of us crowded around the marble sink and looked in the mirror. We stared at ourselves with varying levels of emotional response.

Lexy swore, glaring at her reflection. "Look at my fucking hair! How the hell did it get like that? It's so fucking _long_! And just get a load of my eyes! What kind of color is that?!"

I looked closer. Her narrowed eyes were a delicate lilac.

_How unfitting,_ I mused. I would have chosen a brighter, meaner color for her. Orange, maybe.

On her other side, Yuki was petting her newly discovered purple hair. I could see that her eyes were a deep green, the most normal looking out of all of us. Though I had to admit, it was weird to see her pupils.

Beside me, Sarah was beside herself with delight. "Look at me, Astra! I'm pretty!" she squealed, shaking me. And I did, taking in every inch of her shiny silver hair, which she had let down from its bun. Her pink eyes (which were extremely unnerving) were practically sparkling with excitement.

I nodded at her and turned back to the mirror. I just stared at my reflection. Stared and stared and stared some more.

_God help us all, it's worse than I thought._

The girl in the glass looked _nothing_ like me, and only our synchronized movements could convince me otherwise. My hair was longer, if only by a few inches, and a nearly-blinding (not to mention _genetically impossible_) white. My eyes were a bluish-brown color, and growing lighter. As I watched in awe and horror, they faded into a bright, startling teal. _What the heck is this? _

"Y'all look so adorable!" Aailyah screeched animatedly, tempting at least two of us to drown her in the very trendy bathtub on our right.

"You wanna explain why we all look like a bunch of freaking pansies?" Lexy barked.

"Don't yell at her! It's not her fault!" Yuki scolded the other girl.

Aailyah shrugged. "Dunno. You all just started changing while we were in the kitchen. I didn't wanna say anything though because it was a bad time."

_I can't believe I didn't notice this happening! And how did this manage to slip under the Potentially Dangerous Intruder radar of the wackos in the kitchen? Shouldn't morphing be a red flag, or am I just a big fat idiot in _way_ over my pay grade?_

"It is ever a good time to—" Lexy began, but I cut her off. There just wasn't ever enough time in the world for a Lexy v. Aailyah debate. Not when Aailyah was convinced that her Family and Consumer Science Teacher was an Illuminati spy (does that even make _any_ sense?), not when Lexy _somehow_ got it in her head that she was going to drop out of school and move to Romania, and _certainly_ not now when our lives were being threatened by shady men with questionable motives who _wouldn't even exist_ had a certain Japanese man made the wise decision to _put the bottle down_-no, _absolutely_ not. There was no time for fooling around. Right now we needed to get our shit together and find a way out.

"I still don't know what to think about this, so we're just going to move on for now. It isn't important."

Sarah nodded. Lexy rolled her eyes, but didn't challenge me.

_Damn right, she didn't. And it had better stay that way._

Of course, I knew Lexy wasn't nearly brainless enough to argue with me if it hurt our odds of getting out of here, but at the moment I was on a mission and ready to steamroll through anyone in my way. Therefore, the obnoxious army general attitude stayed put.

"Yeah Astra, I guess you're right. I'll show you guys to your rooms now!" Aailyah said, never missing a beat. I've got to give her props for that, if nothing else. That girl is the most optimistic human being I've ever met.

"You think they're just going to let us stay here?" Sarah sounded doubtful.

"You mean, as opposed to doing the _rational_ thing and killing us? Why not? It follows the same pattern of screwed up logic as everything else here," I muttered in response. She gave me one of her looks, and shrugged her shoulder slightly in agreement.

"Of course they will!" Aailyah whooped. "Let's go! This is going to be the best sleepover ever!" And she skipped away, leaving us to decide whether or not we actually wanted to follow her.

Lexy was the first to head after her, staring at the ground and grumbling curses as she went. We followed her, Sarah marveling at every inch of our surroundings, which I personally found sort of disappointing. The beautiful bathroom gave the rest of the place big shoes to fill, and the bare walls and concrete floors left a lot to be desired.

"You sleep here, Lexy-kun," Aailyah declared, pointing into what appeared to be an empty bedroom.

I didn't even bother why there were the perfect amount of unoccupied rooms, or why Aailyah knew exactly where they were. As with many other discrepancies I'd run into today, I chose not to worry myself with it. Bigger fish, you know?

"Yuki-chan, you take this one."

Yuki nodded, and went inside to check it out.

"Sarah, you can sleep here. And Astra can have the room next to it."

Sarah looked at me. I shook my head.

"We can share," I assured her. As if I would let her sleep alone in this place while it was crawling with men who probably hadn't gotten any in years. _Right_.

She grinned. "Yay! Party time!"

_Because I'm sooo fun at a party…? _

Lexy slunk into her room, and slammed the door behind her.

"What do you think? Do you need anything?" Aailyah looked at least a _little_ concerned for our well being.

There were several things I would have liked to retort with, but for the sake of Sarah's ears I let it go and declined with a simple shake of the head.

"Well, just let me know." She hugged both of us tightly. "I'm really glad you're here," she told us, before skipping away again. "Dinner will be ready in an hour!" she called over her shoulder.

I sighed, and pushed open the door (which was surprisingly heavy—and I'm no wimp). Inside was a simple, sparsely decorated room. Evidently all of the creative effort had gone into the bathroom decor. What a shame. There was a suspiciously lumpy bed in the far left corner (which I immediately checked for bedbugs—it was clean), a nightstand, and a small chair. Through an open door I could see a sink, indicating an adjoining bathroom which I knew I would be fighting Sarah for. It was a good thing that girl couldn't land a hit to save her life, because I was going to be needing the bathroom for quite a long time on account of all this damn hair.

"Well this is…sketchy." Sarah flopped down onto the bed after I'd declared it to be bedbug-free.

"I know," I agreed, sitting next to her. "I feel like we're in a bad movie."

She snorted, taking my statement all too literally.

This really was like a bad movie though, complete with an awful script and gaping plot holes. But, taking into consideration the glaring lack of sexy co-stars, comfy trailers, coffee breaks and salary, this whole thing a lot more trouble than it was worth.

"What are we going to do…?" she wondered, nudging me gently.

I shrugged, trying not to look desperate. "I'm not sure. But we'll figure something out. We aren't staying here, I know that much. There's a way out. We might have to bust our butts to find it, but there is a way."

The words must've had a more reassuring affect on her than they did on me, because she became visibly calmer after that.

"Yeah. They'll let their guards down eventually."

"Yup."

We avoided any more talk of...whatever this was, and chatted about normal, ''_Let's For a Moment Pretend That We Aren't Stuck In Someone's Convoluted Daydream_'' stuff for a while. For example, Sarah spent a good twenty minutes ranting about how some jerk in a green pick-up truck had cut her off in the parking lot of school three days ago. It was refreshing to concentrate on a problem _other_ than the obvious one, and I was glad Sarah was such a good story-teller.

Eventually she cooled down, and we both decided we'd better head to the dining room. I wasn't exactly sure how to get there, although I had a bit of an idea, and I thought it was best if we got a head start just in case we got lost along the way.

The prospect of eating around those people made me nervous, I'll admit that much. I don't know why, but I don't like eating around people as it is. I guess because I hate the small talk that's expected at the table. It's uncomfortable, no matter who it's with.

"Let's go, let's go. I'm starving…" Sarah whined, swinging her feet off the edge of the bed.

"I guess we should," I agreed, sitting up and sliding down to the cool wood floor. We made it out of the room, and then—

"Oh, crap. She never told us where the kitchen was!" Sarah exclaimed.

"The kitchen is the first room we were in. I think I remember the way."

It wasn't like it was that far away in the first place; we hadn't made more than three turns to get here. Better safe then sorry, though.

_I better not get us lost…I swear to God if I have to miss a meal due to this place being built like a maze, that'll be the last straw! I'll snap! They'll have to restrain me! They'll have to lock me up underground with maximum security-  
_

My train of thought immediately hung a sharp left and fell to its watery death, for I could smell some kind of meat cooking. There was also the sound of people talking—loudly.

"GIVE ME THAT FUCKING PLATE, YOU CUNT!" a painfully obnoxious voice hollered. I recognized it right away as the moron Lexy hit earlier.

_She'll probably end up removing his vocal chords before the night is over. And just this once, I don't think I'll stop her. _

There was a crash, and—

"DON'T YOU CALL ME A CUNT, YOU DICKWAD!" another male voice shouted back.

"BITCH! I'LL SACRAFICE YOU TO—"

"Enough." An even voice pierced through the commotion.

All was silent as we walked through the door. You probably could have cut through the tension with a knife.

_Fantastic. Awkward entrances are my forte._

Lucky for us, we we largely ignored. The blonde man I recognized from earlier had his arms around an amused Aailyah, while Lexy's friend slopped meat forcefully onto his plate, looking murderous. That is, more murderous than normal. Murderous in a ''_someone specific ought to get his affairs in order_'' way, rather than a ''_I like killing people and any Tom, Dick or Harry will suffice_'' way. I guessed that they had been the ones shouting before. The dark haired man, who I suspected to be the one to shut them up, sat down at the table next to the blue one. Around the table there were two others, a man with red hair who looked immensely aggravated, and another man wearing a mask on the bottom half of his face. His body appeared to be held together by many stitches, giving him the appearance of some sort of Frankenstein.

_What a strange crowd. _

Yuki and Lexy had made it here already, and were seated at a deserted corner of the large wooden table, eating quietly.

"Oh, hey guys!" Aailyah greeted happily, noticing us for the first time. "I was just going to come find you. Come have some steak." She motioned to the tray behind her. "It's cooked to perfection," she stated, throwing another look towards the dark haired man, who likewise continued to ignore her. Now really, what was up with that? Might as well add it to the ever-growing list of things I don't understand about this place.

I waited for Sarah to take a plate from the counter and fill it up, before copying her and piling on the meat. Normally I would have taken take less; I don't particularly care for meat (the taste is fine, but the texture is all wrong), but I hadn't eaten since this morning. I was _famished_.

Sarah and I took seat next to Yuki and Lexy. Aailyah and her lapdog joined us, as well as the vile man with slick hair. We all ate in relative silence (except for _certain_ individuals who couldn't even eat a simple slice of meat without behaving as if they were the victim of demonic possession) until Aailyah decided to interject.

"So! I think you all should introduce yourselves," she ordered me and the other three girls. We all glared at her in unison, but otherwise acted as if we hadn't heard her.

"Come on, guys. It's not fair that you know them but they don't know you."

I shook my head at the latest ludicrous statement to fall from her mouth, and kept eating. For meat, it wasn't actually all that bad. It wasn't dry, at least.

"Fine," she sniffed, crossing her arms. "I'll do it for you."

"What makes you think we _care_ about _any_ of this?" the red-head drawled lazily, not bothering to make eye contact.

Aailyah ignored him and pressed on. "That," she pointed to Yuki, who took on the appearance of a startled deer in headlights, "is Yuki-chan. She's my best friend. She's from Japan, so she understands all of the weird things you all do and stuff. She's really super smart and funny and nice." Aailyah grinned and gave Yuki the thumbs-up, which she returned with a wide grin and an energetic wave.

Huh, she was sure acting spunky for someone who was scared for her life. _Must be the nerves._

Her polite gesture was met with...well, it just wasn't met. No one was paying attention, except for the occasional judgmental glance which proved they were only rude and not deaf.

"This," she pointed to Lexy, "is Lexy. She does whatever she wants and gets away with it. I think she'll get along with you really good." She smirked at the pig with gelled hair. Evidently he _had_ been listening, because he made the ugliest face I have ever had the misfortune of seeing, and licked his lips in response to Aailyah's comment. Lexy growled, and continued cutting into her steak with renewed vigor. The plate was really suffering now. Aailyah giggled and randomly kissed the blonde guy before pointing in Sarah's direction.

"That's Sarah. She's really hyper and sweet. She's also super pretty and I think she should be a model," she said proudly. "But if any of you hit on her or anything, Astra—" she pointed at me, "—will kill you so bad."

_Damn straight_.

Although, when I'm making threats I prefer to make them _slightly_ more eloquent than that.

"Astra is always pretty serious most of the time and she's always with Sarah. They're like sisters basically, so Astra is really protective and all that. And Astra can be scary sometimes so don't mess with her because she could probably kick all of you guys' asses."

_Well, that's a bit of a stretch,_ I thought, remembering at least that much from the episodes Sarah had shown me. These guys were basically in endless godmode compared to one of us.

The blue man was clearly thinking something along the same lines, because he snorted loudly into his water glass.

"You don't honestly think a mere _girl_ with _no_ _chakra_ could beat any of us?" the man snickered again. "Nah, even pretty boy could take her. Any of us, really."

"Hey! Shut your mouth," the blonde one snapped, "I'll shove that stupid sword of yours so far up your ass—"

"As if _you_ could ever wield Samehada!" the blue one countered spitefully.

"Don't waste your breath, Kisame," the dark haired one spoke in his dry monotone.

The blue one, Kisame, shut up and continued eating, glowering at the blonde ever so often.

"Pussy," the blonde one muttered. The dark haired one looked at him, and he wasn't even glaring, but somehow that was enough to silence the other. I supposed the red eyes might intimidate anyone, but I still felt like there was more to it. Was the dark haired one the leader? It sure seemed that way, but I wasn't sure. My memory was kind of fuzzy; it had been a while since I'd watched the show. I'd have to get Sarah to fill me in on the details after we went back to the room...something I probably should have done while we were waiting. Whoops.

One by one, starting with Kisame and the dark haired one, the men left the table after clearing their plates (or tossing them in the general direction of the sink.) Finally, it was only the five of us plus the blonde, who was vigorously becoming acquainted with Aailyah's face via his own. _Good God, hasn't this day been bad enough without us having to watch these clowns eat each other's tonsils?_ Sarah was watching them with a mixture of fascination and disgust, and I restrained myself from covering her eyes and ears. Yuki cleared her throat, saving us all from Lexy, who was on the verge of a violent outburst.

They resurfaced, not at all ashamed. "You can put your dishes on the counter, I'll wash them later," Aailyah offered. "Do you want to watch a move with me and Dei-kun later? It's a romantic one…"

We shuddered collectively as they continued their ridiculous display of affection.

"Oh, that's okay," Yuki giggled nervously. "I'm sure we're better off getting some rest after all of this, don't you agree?"

Aailyah gave us the thumbs-up sign, not bothering to pry herself away long enough to speak.

Lexy looked legitimately ill, and she nearly knocked her chair over in her haste to get away from the happy couple.

The rest of us followed suit, stacking our dishes next to the sink.

"That was the most unappetizing thing I've ever seen in my entire life." Lexy shook her head rapidly as if she was trying to rid herself of the image.

"It _sounded_ even worse." Sarah did something weird with her tongue, trying to imitate the obscene slurping sounds they had been making.

"Well, at least Aailyah's happy," Yuki said. "It's been a while since she's had a boyfriend. Just between us, I was starting to think she'd be single forever."

Had she _ever_ had a boyfriend? I didn't think so.

"You're one to talk," Lexy scoffed.

_Oh, _perfect_. Leave it to Lexy to start an argument. Just what we need..._

"Huh?" Yuki frowned at her. "I could get a boyfriend if I wanted. I just…choose not to."

"Something tells me it's not by _your_ choice that you're single," she replied snidely.

Sarah gave me an irritated look, as if she could hear my thoughts and was in agreement._  
_

"Hmph! I don't see you dating anyone either! So you have no room to speak," Yuki shot back defensively, turning pink.

"Well, no shit. Men are pigs," Lexy snapped, her voice rising several octaves.

"Both of you, _shut up._ We aren't in middle school anymore." I cut Yuki off as she opened her mouth to retaliate.

They huffed and looked away from each other.

When we reached their rooms, they marched inside and slammed their doors in almost perfect unison.

"Wow," Sarah said, looking back and forth between the two doors. "That was dramatic."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't worry about it, they'll get over themselves. They're probably just stressed out, anyway." As if _that_ wasn't a huge understatement. I entered our own room, and waited for her to come inside before shutting the door.

"I'm actually really tired…" Sarah yawned and sank down onto the bed.

"Me too..." I sat down next to her head and ran my fingers through her hair, beginning the typical sleepover braiding session (and never mind the fact that this was the most unconventional sleepover of all time.) Her hair (well, her normal hair) gets really tangled if it isn't braided. I figured it would be a good idea now, too. Regardless of her new hair texture it would probably soothe her to sleep a lot faster than anything else.

"Ugh. I don't have any pajamas to change into," I realized after a minute.

"Ew. Don't tell me we're going to have to wear these clothes forever," she moaned, gesturing to her shorts and t-shirt.

"Definitely not. I'll ask Aailyah to bring us shopping or something tomorrow. If they'll even let us leave…" I doubted it.

"Hmm…" Sarah sighed. Minutes of silence went by. As I finished up her braid, her eyelids drooped and finally fell shut. I yawned and stretched, and then settled down next to her. I remembered in a rush all the questions I had meant to ask Sarah about these characters, but there was no point waking her up now. It wasn't like we were going anywhere in a hurry.

Despite the multitude of thoughts bouncing around my mind, I was asleep the second my head hit the pillow.

* * *

**(A/N) 5,000+ words later and I have a new respect for people who write whole novels. Seriously, how?  
**

**I hope you're all enjoying your winter/holidays/lives :)  
**

**Thanks for reading!  
**


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